yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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