i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize