I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
