i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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