Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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