One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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