am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
