Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
