Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
