There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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