No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
