i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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