Your dad touched me again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
