We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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