hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
