The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
