I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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