I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When did angry sex become our thing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
