dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
