Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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