would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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