Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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