She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
