in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
