If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
