He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
PANTIES FOUND
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