I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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