My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
