Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
