Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize