There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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