U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
