guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dignity is for republicans.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize