Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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