she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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