Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
