I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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