Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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