I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
