Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
