***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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