I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
