i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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