i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
