listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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