Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
