just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
