but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
