i permit you to call me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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