don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
