Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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