Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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