Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
