I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
