The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
