drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
