Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
