Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
