Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
