I wish i was in the wii world.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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