Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I want a musical about memes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize