he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize