Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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