I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
