so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
