So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
