So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
COCAINE IS GR8
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
