I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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