She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
