Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
why is half of my head shaved?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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