You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
