Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
