Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
