your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize