my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
